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My Humor
Humor is known for good health. So take a minute to enjoy the lighter side of life.
The following are from an email exchange between some appraisers in a Yahoo appraisal group that is normally used to discuss appraisal topics and timely issues. I have copied their wit in which they try to upstage each other. Enjoy...
IF YOU SHOOT A MIME, SHOULD YOU USE A SILENCER?
WHY DO WE DRIVE ON PARKWAYS AND PARK ON DRIVEWAYS?
WHY IS ABBREVIATION SUCH A LONG WORD?
IF YOU DROP A SLICE OF FRENCH BREAD INTO A TOASTER, WHEN IT POPS UP, IS IT THEN FRENCH TOAST?
HOW DID A FOOL AND HIS MONEY GET TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE?
WHY DO WE PRESS HARDER ON A REMOTE CONTROL WHEN WE KNOW THE BATTERIES ARE WEAK?
WHY DOES SUPERMAN STOP BULLETS WITH HIS CHEST, BUT DUCKS WHEN YOU THROW A REVOLVER AT HIM?
WHY DOES SOMEONE BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU SAY THERE ARE FOUR BILLION STARS, BUT CHECK WHEN YOU SAY THE PAINT IS WET?
DO LIPTON EMPLOYEES TAKE COFFEE BREAKS?
WHY ARE THEY CALLED APARTMENTS WHEN THEY'RE ALL STUCK TOGETHER?
WHY IS THERE BRAILLE ON THE KEYPAD OF THE DRIVE-UP ATM MACHINE?
HOW COME YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT GRUNTLED EMPLOYEES?
IF A TIN WHISTLE IS MADE OF TIN (AND IT IS), THEN WHAT, EXACTLY, IS A FOG HORN MADE OF?
IF PRO IS THE OPPOSITE OF CON, THEN IS CONGRESS THE OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS?
A BUS STATION IS WHERE A BUS STOPS. A TRAIN STATION IS WHERE A TRAIN STOPS. ON MY DESK, I HAVE A WORK STATION.....
IF A MAN MAKES A STATEMENT IN A FOREST, AND THERE IS NO WOMAN THERE TO HEAR HIM, IS HE STILL WRONG?
IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, THEN DON'T TAKE UP SKY DIVING!
ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY, IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
THE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DOES THE REST DROWN TOO?
IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD LISP TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED HEMORRHOIDS INSTEAD OF ASSTEROIDS?
WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
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